1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,103 No, Ray's still out of town covering the Yankees. 2 00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,105 Yeah, I know. 3 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,373 He's been gone for four days, 4 00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,508 and he's 16 minutes late. 5 00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,278 - Hey! - Daddy! Daddy! 6 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,380 Grab that, Ray. 7 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,215 Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! 8 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,751 - All right-- - No, Ally, get off there. 9 00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:21,120 Get down. Get down. 10 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,521 - Mo. - Matthew wants mo. 11 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,622 Oh, okay, Matthew-- 12 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,723 And we got a cleanup, aisle two. 13 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,625 All right, here you go. 14 00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:28,594 - I'll get it. - Ow! 15 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,062 Dinnertime. 16 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,633 Gregory's done. 17 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,602 And Matthew's done. 18 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,203 And Ally's done. 19 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,538 Aaahh! 20 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,176 Okay... 21 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,578 Cookie, cookie, 22 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,680 and... cookie. 23 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,255 Hi, honey. 24 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,057 Hi. 25 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,296 Hi, I'm Ray. 26 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,764 I live here in Long Island 27 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,367 with my wife, Debra, 28 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,768 my five-year-old daughter, 29 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,504 and twin almost-two-year-old boys. 30 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,307 My parents live across the street. 31 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,675 That's right. 32 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,710 The truth is, I'd do anything for my family. 33 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,716 And... done. 34 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,352 Oh, no. 35 00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:31,123 Unh! Debra! 36 00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,658 Honey! 37 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:36,095 Somebody! Call my father! 38 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,162 I'm hyperventilating! 39 00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,370 Oh, honey, 40 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,306 I don't know how I survived four days by myself. 41 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,474 I know. I know. 42 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,608 Hey, nobody hates 43 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,244 going on the road more than me. 44 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,480 It's miserable for me out there. 45 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:57,182 Hey, look at this. Cal Ripken signed my hat. 46 00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:58,684 Oh, that's great. Look at this. 47 00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:02,387 Gregory spit up on my shirt. 48 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,388 I'm not trading. 49 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,257 Okay. 50 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,192 Just be happy you made it home for my birthday. 51 00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:08,627 That's all I can say. Well, what? 52 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,362 Of course I made it home for your birthday. 53 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,431 Are you kidding? Your birthday is... 54 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,532 - Sunday. - Sunday. 55 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,334 That's right. Big party. 56 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,835 And how old am I going to be? 57 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,137 I know that. 58 00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,639 Ray... how old? 59 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:24,610 All right, all right, I just have to backtrack. 60 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:27,146 Let's see, when I proposed, you were 23. 61 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,547 - Mm-hmm. - You said no. 62 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,549 Right. 63 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,851 Then I proposed. You were 24. 64 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,653 - No again. - No again. 65 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,321 Right. 66 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,756 Then I took a year off to regroup. 67 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,158 Yup. 68 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,726 Then I came back with a job. 69 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,362 Boom! Married. 70 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:47,633 That would make you... 32... 71 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,934 Ish. 72 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,435 All right, I'll accept that. 73 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,771 Good, 'cause... Big party. 74 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,473 No, you know what? I don't want the party. 75 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,674 I just want a nice day at home 76 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,477 with my favorite husband and my kids, okay? 77 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:02,481 Okay, and I guess my parents and my brother too, right? 78 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,952 My parents and my brother? 79 00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,420 What? 80 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,689 Ray, it's just that-- 81 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,691 Look, you know I love them. 82 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,393 They're my family too. 83 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,429 But I was wondering if perhaps 84 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,464 we wouldn't have them over on Sunday. 85 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,599 Well, why not? 86 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,267 Well, it's just, you know, honey, 87 00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:25,671 every day that you were gone, they dropped by. 88 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,506 And then your dad is always waking up the kids. 89 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,374 And now they don't even call first. 90 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,876 Well, they live across the street. 91 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,644 Why should they call? It's quicker just to come by. 92 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,447 I know. 93 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,582 It's like we're on the way. 94 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,917 No, no, no, we are the way. 95 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,686 We are where they're going. 96 00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,554 You see, now you're exaggerating a little. 97 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,323 You're home. 98 00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:46,825 Hi, mom. 99 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,760 Hi, I saw your car pull up before. 100 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:49,761 You didn't call. 101 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,297 Oh... 102 00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,532 Hi, Debra, 103 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,601 I brought you some baking soda for your fridge. 104 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,937 I smelled something questionable. 105 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,305 From across the street? 106 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:04,543 No, when I was here yesterday. 107 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,478 Okay. 108 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,980 Ooh, it's worse! 109 00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,281 Oh, now, that's just-- 110 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,316 Okay, all right, okay, all right. 111 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,452 Ma, listen, ma, we can buy our own baking soda. 112 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,954 I know, sweetie, but you don't. 113 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,423 Ooh, what have we here? 114 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,792 Oh, I'll get you some club soda for that too. 115 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,761 No, ma, we have club soda, ma. 116 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,263 No, your father finished it. 117 00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,331 I'll see you later. 118 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:33,272 Oh, it comes from love. 119 00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:38,377 Look, if you want, maybe I'll talk to my father about it. 120 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,012 Well, while you're talking to him, 121 00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:42,914 would you mind mentioning the answering machine? 122 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,916 Is he playing back the messages again? 123 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:45,917 I changed the code. 124 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,687 Well, he cracked it. 125 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,489 I hope everyone's doing good. 126 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,957 And, Debra, you ought to call Linda back. 127 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,425 She sounds like she had 128 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,993 a very interesting visit to the gyno. 129 00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:00,666 That's funny. That's-- 130 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,468 You know, it's not for everybody, okay? 131 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,470 Look, he's fooling around. 132 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,538 That's what he does. 133 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,407 He's like one of those guys, 134 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,808 what do you call them? 135 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,444 An idiot. 136 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,613 But do they have to bring your brother over? 137 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,515 My brother lives with them. 138 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,816 He doesn't like staying alone. 139 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,419 He's 40, Ray. 140 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,488 Come on, he loves the kids. 141 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,024 You know, the way he has to touch every bite 142 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,660 to his chin before he puts it in his mouth. 143 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,095 That's-- It's weird. 144 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,364 What? That's an idiosyncrasy. 145 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,433 It's like when he's counting and he gets to the number 12 146 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,968 and he has to take his shoes off. 147 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,837 Everybody has those. 148 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,073 How'd he ever become a police sergeant? 149 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:42,374 'Cause he's a good cop, 150 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:45,477 and they didn't make him count... 151 00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,679 Or eat. 152 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,414 I don't know, Ray, it's just that it's-- 153 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,116 You know, every day, 154 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:51,817 and between them and the kids, I just feel-- 155 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,719 - Lucky? - Ray-- 156 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,620 All right. Look, all right. 157 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,888 I'm home now. Maybe you need a break. 158 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,056 I'll tell you, why don't you go out 159 00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,658 with Linda tomorrow night? 160 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,093 What, and leave the kids with your parents? 161 00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,361 No, I'll do the kids. 162 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:03,562 Oh-- 163 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,365 Oh, I can't do that? 164 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,666 Oh, hey, how about the time 165 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,001 you went to your aunt's for three days? 166 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,036 I took the kids with me. 167 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,138 Yeah, but I fed myself. 168 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,376 Hey, Ray! 169 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:20,145 Ray! Come on, keep it down, Leo. 170 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,146 I just got them to sleep. 171 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,681 I'm sorry. 172 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,416 Hey, want to go over to Nemo's, get a slice? 173 00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,819 Leo, my kids aren't fish, okay? 174 00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:33,425 You can't just sprinkle food over the crib and leave. 175 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,161 Call your mother. 176 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,963 No, I can't; Debra's got this thing 177 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,065 about them coming over too much lately. 178 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,602 I got the club soda. 179 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,971 Hi, Leo, hi. 180 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:49,408 - Hey, Ms. b. - How you doing? 181 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,942 Ms. b, would you mind maybe sitting with the kids 182 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,544 for a little bit while Raymond and I 183 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,645 went out and got some pizza? 184 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,514 - No, no. - No, not at all. 185 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,882 But where's Debra? 186 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,884 She went to the movies with Linda. 187 00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,919 - The movies? - Yes. 188 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,855 Some people get to live it up. 189 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,956 Go ahead. You guys, go ahead. 190 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,058 Go, get your pizza. You deserve it. 191 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,627 You rock, Mrs. b. 192 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,496 Come on, let's go. 193 00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:12,631 No, no. 194 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,166 No, no. Listen. 195 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:17,135 Debra doesn't want me to leave them with... 196 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,070 Out me. 197 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,172 You're leaving them with me. 198 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,573 They're sleeping. 199 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,974 Go on. Go with your friend. 200 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,543 Well, I want to, but I can't. 201 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,144 We know, you're worried. You're concerned. 202 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,146 We're all crying buckets here. Come on, let's go. 203 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,481 All right, it's 8:30. One hour. 204 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,749 We'll be gone one hour. 205 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,185 Would you go? Come on, you're insulting me. 206 00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:34,853 I raised you, didn't I? 207 00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,055 Oh, god, you raised me-- 208 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,606 - Hey! - Ooh, Frank, Robbie! 209 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,174 You scared me. 210 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,243 You don't leave a note? You just leave? 211 00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,744 We're looking all over for you. 212 00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:00,979 Where'd you look? 213 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,981 We thought we'd start here. 214 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,553 Where are the kids? 215 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,055 Oh, no, they're sleeping. 216 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:12,190 Hey, I just want to see them. Come on, it's early. 217 00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,726 I just want to see the kids. They can sleep when we go. 218 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:15,994 No, no, no. 219 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,996 You want to see something, huh? 220 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:22,968 A $120 receipt from Victoria's secrets. 221 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:26,204 Holy crap! 222 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,673 What the hell's a "bustier"? 223 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,977 It's a thing, you know, to pull you in here. 224 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,881 When did he get this? 225 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,183 Oh, that's an award your brother got 226 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,685 for his sports column. 227 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,187 It never ends for Raymond. 228 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,256 Oh, poor Robbie. 229 00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:48,093 Everybody loves Raymond. 230 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:51,296 I go to work, people shoot at me. 231 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,599 Ray goes to work, people do the wave. 232 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,301 Then he sits down, has a hot dog, 233 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,103 doodles on a piece of paper, 234 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,971 and they give him a trophy. 235 00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:07,078 I think that Raymond is wasting his life writing sports. 236 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,047 I mean, a writer should be writing short stories 237 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:12,050 and poetry. 238 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,752 Do you think I'm wasting my life? 239 00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:21,159 Well... it's different with you, dear. 240 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,864 Look who's up. 241 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,833 Ooh, look at that. 242 00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:42,347 - Oh, no, no, no-- - Hi, daddy. 243 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,182 Hey, Ray, do you want to watch the game? 244 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,818 No, no, what are you doing, everybody? 245 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,986 Debra's going to be-- 246 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,654 Okay, all right, I'm going to ask you, 247 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,890 quickly and quietly, move to your nearest exits. 248 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,325 It's the fourth quarter. 249 00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:55,226 Dad, please, buckle up and go. 250 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,267 You know, when somebody does you a favor, 251 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,735 you're supposed to say "thank you." 252 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,170 Thank you, thank you, mom and dad. 253 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,338 You're wonderful grandparents. 254 00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:09,140 You're not evil at all. 255 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,109 Let me just smell their heads once more. 256 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,244 Dad, please, please, dad-- 257 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,213 Mmm, it's the fountain of youth. 258 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,781 I'm sucking in that youth. 259 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,016 I'm begging you, dad. 260 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,351 I'm begging you, let go of their heads. 261 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,219 Let go of their heads. I'll give you money. 262 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,821 Do you want money? Hey, save your money. 263 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,922 You're going to need it. 264 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,757 Victoria's not a secret anymore. 265 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,258 What? What? 266 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,893 We'll see you Sunday at Debra's party. 267 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,095 Okay. Thanks again. 268 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:33,198 Thanks again, ma. 269 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,634 Nice trophy. 270 00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,040 - Hey. - Hey. 271 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,341 Hey, I was just checking the kids. 272 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,110 Oh, great. 273 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,344 Still sleeping like logs. 274 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,113 Oh. 275 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,384 Oh, my gosh. Look at this place. 276 00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:53,952 What? 277 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,987 It's spotless! 278 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,656 You cleaned up for me. 279 00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,691 Well, you're not the maid. 280 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:04,262 Oh, Ray, oh, you are so wonderful. 281 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,431 To look at the kids real quick, okay? 282 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,099 Okay. 283 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,874 I think I'm having sex. 284 00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,447 Oh... 285 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,749 Good old sex. 286 00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,885 Oh, yeah. 287 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,954 Oh, I'm going to do new stuff. 288 00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,324 Hi, honey. 289 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,429 Uh, Ray... 290 00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,930 What? 291 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:42,133 Why do the boys' heads smell like old spice? 292 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,004 What? 293 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,273 Your father was here 294 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:51,876 and sucking the youth out of their heads again, huh? 295 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,113 And your brother was here too. 296 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:59,818 Just found this froot loop on Matthew's chin. 297 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,820 Are you going to tell me what happened here tonight, Ray, 298 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:02,921 or do I have to call your parents? 299 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,889 No, no, no, no, no. 300 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,758 Please, please, no, no, don't call the parents, no. 301 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,194 Okay, okay. 302 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,995 I put them to sleep. Yeah. 303 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,364 And my mother came over, and then I went out with Leo. 304 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,432 What? 305 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,735 You left the kids with your mom? 306 00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,369 No, my father and brother were here too. 307 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:22,373 Then I got rid of them, and then did some cleaning. 308 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,110 Huh? You noticed the cleaning down there. 309 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,911 Okay, why did they have to be here? 310 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,348 What was so important that you had to go out for? 311 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,416 Pizza. 312 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,518 Pizza? Pizza? 313 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,987 Did you see the mess? You should've seen it. 314 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:36,988 They woke the kids up. 315 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,890 What? Ray! 316 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:42,927 Oh, the pizza wasn't even good. 317 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,963 You told me that you were going to stay 318 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,030 and watch the kids. 319 00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,499 I know. I know, but-- 320 00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:49,033 But what? But what, Ray? 321 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,235 I don't know. 322 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,770 I'll tell you one thing. 323 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,005 Your folks are not coming over on Sunday. 324 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,341 That is my birthday, and I should be allowed 325 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,408 one day of peace without them. 326 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,409 And you know what? 327 00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,878 I want you to call them 328 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,412 and tell them that that's what we want, 329 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,847 because they need to get the message 330 00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,115 that we have our own lives, 331 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,084 and we're entitled to a little privacy. 332 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,452 You're right. You're right. 333 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,954 You're absolutely right. So you'll tell them? 334 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,390 I can't do that. 335 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:16,127 What is this hold they have on you? 336 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,996 I'm just asking you for me. 337 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:22,400 Please, can we celebrate my birthday alone? 338 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,536 I can't uninvite them. 339 00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:25,370 You can't? 340 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,542 Well, then, maybe I won't be here. 341 00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,477 No, stop it. Don't! 342 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,947 Don't sleep on the couch! 343 00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,416 I just cleaned down there! 344 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:51,896 - Oh, Raymond! - Hi. 345 00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,565 Come in, honey. 346 00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:55,500 Your brother's working, and your father's out 347 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,303 buying one of those balls for your toilet. 348 00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,438 So I got the whole house to myself. 349 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,307 Is that my large fork? 350 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,875 Yeah, yeah, it is. It is. 351 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,910 That's why I came by here. I wanted to return this. 352 00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:07,345 Oh, well, I didn't want to say anything, 353 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,582 but that happens to be a very good fork. 354 00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:12,350 You know? I know. 355 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,886 That's why it took so long. I love it. 356 00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,122 Listen, ma, I wanted to talk to you 357 00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,524 about Debra's birthday. 358 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,059 Oh, my god! 359 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,594 Talk about birthdays. 360 00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:25,129 Your birthday gift to me finally came this morning. 361 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,899 Did you know you sent me a box of pears 362 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,300 from a place called fruit of the month? 363 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,501 That's right. That's right. 364 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,502 How are they? 365 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,205 Oh, they're very nice pears, 366 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,541 but there's so many of them. 367 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,277 There are over a dozen pears. 368 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,446 What am I supposed to do with all those pears? 369 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,548 I think you're supposed to eat them, ma. 370 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,616 - Myself? - You. 371 00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,451 You and dad and Robert. 372 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:49,487 How many pears can Robert eat? 373 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,389 Look, I appreciate the thought, Raymond, 374 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,490 but, please, don't ever send us 375 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,192 any more fruit again, okay? 376 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,593 Thanks. Thanks, darling. 377 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,929 Well, another box is coming next month. 378 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,030 What? 379 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,231 More pears? 380 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,599 No. 381 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,135 No, it's a different fruit every month. 382 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,137 - Every month? - Yes, yes! 383 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,273 That's why they call it "fruit of the month club." 384 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,141 It's a club? Oh, my god. 385 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,542 What am I going to do with all this fruit? 386 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,578 Well, most people like it, ma. 387 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,446 You share it. Share it with all your friends. 388 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,514 Which friends? 389 00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,149 I don't know. Lee and Stan. 390 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,550 Lee and Stan buy their own fruit. 391 00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,352 Then give it away-- 392 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,055 - Why did you do this to me? - Oh, my god. 393 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,189 I can't talk. 394 00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,624 There's too much fruit in the house! 395 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:31,062 Oh, what is happening? 396 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,031 I'm--I'm sorry, ma. 397 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,499 Hey, Marie. 398 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,668 Oh, Ray! 399 00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,603 Do you know that the fruit keeps coming 400 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,239 month after month? 401 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,241 He's got us in some kind of a cult. 402 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,611 It's not a cult, ma. It's a club. 403 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,980 What do you mean month after month? 404 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,481 For how long? 405 00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:55,253 It's a year. 406 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,288 My god, are you out of your mind? 407 00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,491 Oh, all right, I'm so sorry, dad. 408 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,261 What do you think we are, invalids? 409 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,729 We can't go out and get our own fruit? 410 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,130 I tried to tell him. 411 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,666 All right, I'm canceling the fruit club. 412 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,734 Oh, good. 413 00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,235 Thank you, Raymond. Thank you. 414 00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:12,704 And don't do that again. 415 00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,173 Like we don't have enough problems. 416 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,442 All right, okay, listen, I got to talk about the party. 417 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,609 Ooh, the party. 418 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:23,414 Yes, yes, yes, listen, I was thinking-- 419 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,383 Uh, there isn't going to be a party. 420 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,417 Who's dead? 421 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,152 Nobody's dead, dad. 422 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,454 We're not going to have a party. 423 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,555 You got to have a party. I baked. 424 00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,323 I've never heard of such a thing. 425 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,760 We're not having a party because I'm surprising Debra. 426 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,997 I'm taking her to... 427 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,499 Bear mountain. 428 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,267 - Bear mountain? - Yeah, that's right. 429 00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,669 I want to do something special for her. 430 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,170 This is a surprise, all right? 431 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,772 So you can't go telling her anything. 432 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,307 All right? So thank you very much. 433 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,009 Okay, wait. Wait just one minute now. 434 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,044 Here. Wait. 435 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,312 It's a long trip to bear mountain. 436 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,313 Take fruit. 437 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,681 Okay, thanks. 438 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,483 Hey. Hey. 439 00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:04,155 Raymond gets the pears too? 440 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,260 They all went down for a nap. 441 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,294 Whoo! 442 00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,529 Puts this over the top 443 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,264 as the best birthday I have ever had. 444 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,399 No, hey, hey, what are you doing? 445 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,666 Just letting in the light. 446 00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,101 It's still your birthday, though. 447 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:20,304 We want to have a nice, cozy birthday. 448 00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:22,240 Huh? Isn't that cozy? 449 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,676 I know what you're up to. 450 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,812 - You do? - Yeah, come here. 451 00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:32,350 Oh, yeah, this is what I'm up to. 452 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,718 Yeah. 453 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,322 I thought this only happened on my birthday. 454 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:41,692 Oh, Ray, I'm so glad you set your parents straight, huh? 455 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,461 Doesn't it feel good to be honest with them? 456 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,229 It does. It does feel good. 457 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,465 Not as good as this, though. 458 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,666 You were 100% right. 459 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,767 I don't know what I was afraid of. 460 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,169 Yeah. 461 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:55,573 - Ohh! - Aah! 462 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,674 What are you doing here? 463 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,842 What are you doing here? 464 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,510 We live here. 465 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,379 We thought you were on bear mountain. 466 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,214 Bear mountain? Who told you that? 467 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,782 Raymond. 468 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,521 You want to holster the weapon, bro? 469 00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,696 Well? 470 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,465 Okay, I lied. I lied. 471 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,867 I lied to everybody. 472 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,335 I was trying to make everybody happy. 473 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,804 Nice job. 474 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,107 Oh, I should've known better. 475 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,175 Why did--especially with my parents, 476 00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,144 the only people who treat a box of fruit 477 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,547 like it's plutonium. 478 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:39,851 I made a mistake. I chickened out. 479 00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:40,885 All right, 480 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,687 look, the truth is, 481 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,689 Debra wanted us to have a day to ourselves. 482 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,757 And me too, me too. 483 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,359 But Debra's the one. 484 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,761 She's got-- 485 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,464 No, she's got it very hard around here. 486 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,366 Though she's never said that to me. 487 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,468 I've noticed it. 488 00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,439 Like dad. 489 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,442 I know you try to be funny, but-- 490 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,743 Like with the twins. 491 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,146 Maybe you shouldn't say, 492 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,516 "I think little Matthew has homosexual tendencies." 493 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:16,487 And, ma, you can't be so critical. 494 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,289 If you're going to be critical, 495 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,324 could you please call before you come over here, really, 496 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,926 so we could be ready for it? 497 00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,528 Both of you, could you both call? 498 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,829 We have to prepare. 499 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,831 There's bills and receipts we hide. 500 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,267 And then we chant a little. 501 00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,605 Now, listen, we-- We love you both, 502 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,941 but this is our house, and Debra's my wife, 503 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,745 and if you can't accept what I'm telling you... 504 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:41,913 Well... 505 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:45,216 Then you can't come over here anymore. 506 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,652 Unless you call first. 507 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,857 That's it. I think I did it all, right? 508 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,493 What? This has nothing to do with me. 509 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,198 Oh, yeah, Robert, 510 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,633 could you try not to eat near the kids? 511 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:12,610 If you just wanted the day to yourselves, 512 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,245 all you had to do was say so. 513 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,746 We'd understand. 514 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,648 Of course we'd understand. 515 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,650 What's not to understand? 516 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,285 When did he get so sensitive? 517 00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:22,620 He's a writer. 518 00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,624 Happy birthday. 519 00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,702 I'm shaking. 520 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,304 Oh, honey, you were great. You were just great, yeah. 521 00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:41,505 Oh, come here. 522 00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,474 Come here. 523 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:46,010 Hey, maybe you should put on that bustier. 524 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,849 What are you doing? 525 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,719 Okay, we'll try again on my birthday.